Existential Dread
Ketamine Session 15
Existential Dread
Ketamine Session 15
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Ketamine Session 15
This session opened like a dark curtain dropping—blue/green tunnels and a frozen labyrinth—then expanded into a vast, cold universe that made me cry without one clear “reason,” just the ache of existing and wanting warmth, closeness, and meaning. A core fear of losing my eyesight took over causing a terrifying thought that shook me to my core, and I practiced “trust but verify” (checking for light by taking off my eye mask) while noticing my brain looked overwhelmed by everything it’s carrying, yet there were moments of surprising connection and steadiness. Near the end, a small yellow thought drifted by—“what if it all works out”—like a cautious hope I’m still learning to believe.
This session opened like a dark curtain dropping—blue/green tunnels and a frozen labyrinth—then expanded into a vast, cold universe that made me cry without one clear “reason,” just the ache of existing and wanting warmth, closeness, and meaning. A core fear of losing my eyesight took over causing a terrifying thought that shook me to my core, and I practiced “trust but verify” (checking for light by taking off my eye mask) while noticing my brain looked overwhelmed by everything it’s carrying, yet there were moments of surprising connection and steadiness. Near the end, a small yellow thought drifted by—“what if it all works out”—like a cautious hope I’m still learning to believe.
IM Dose: 35mg | Listened to: Space sounds
Intention:
Notes
Notes
First session where I had a very fearful thought about willingly dying. Also my brain told me it was confused and I was trying to work on too many things at the same time. I was pretty scared to go back to ketamine after this trip.
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