Letting Go
Ketamine Session 22

I had to let go of several insights at the start, and the trip moved through heavy, squishing, angular, and bodily sensations before opening up. In the deepest part, suicidal thoughts and grief surfaced, along with a lonely, abandoned-feeling image I wanted to comfort; later, the session shifted into peaceful rainbow imagery, self-acceptance, and the question of what life feels like when I’m not performing for others. It ended with returning up to my brain and a control room-like setting, where protector parts likely operate from. 

IM Dose: 30mg  | Listened to: Space sounds
Intention: Help me trust my pacing. Help me let go of what I can’t control

Notes

I revisited the dark area that first brought about that primal fear of ending my life, but now there were new colors in it and it didn't feel as scary. 

This session really came to a head later that evening and the next day with feeling intensely dysregulated both mentally and physically, resulting in a very heavy cry session with physical symptoms. This was a really hard one and I had a lot of overwhelming and hopeless feelings I didn't know what to do with.