Showtime
Ketamine Maintenance Session 3
Showtime
Ketamine Maintenance Session 3
Embedded Files
Ketamine Maintenance Session 3
This session centered on wanting, but the main thing that emerged was how hard it is for me to access desire without fear, self-monitoring, and overwhelm. When I asked what I wanted, I saw millions of possible selves and felt unable to choose. I repeatedly feared doing the trip wrong or putting bad inputs into my brain. I also had an important moment where frightening images were at a distance and I realized they were not happening to me, which felt like a boundary insight. Near the end, I contacted a deep, compacted sadness, symbolized by a small black thing falling down a snowy mountain and sadness in my stomach. I think the work may be about building enough safety, boundaries, and self-trust to feel what I want in pieces, without forcing it.
This session centered on wanting, but the main thing that emerged was how hard it is for me to access desire without fear, self-monitoring, and overwhelm. When I asked what I wanted, I saw millions of possible selves and felt unable to choose. I repeatedly feared doing the trip wrong or putting bad inputs into my brain. I also had an important moment where frightening images were at a distance and I realized they were not happening to me, which felt like a boundary insight. Near the end, I contacted a deep, compacted sadness, symbolized by a small black thing falling down a snowy mountain and sadness in my stomach. I think the work may be about building enough safety, boundaries, and self-trust to feel what I want in pieces, without forcing it.
IM Dose: 30mg | Listened to: Space sounds
Intention: Let me feel what I genuinely want, underneath fear, obligation, and urgency.
Notes
Notes
After the last session being really scary, having Javi there and holding his hand was very grounding. Of course, that brought up a polarity between wanting support/love and fearing codependency. But I was super grateful nonetheless. When the session began, I was in a large grey movie theater where the seats were sucked into the screen when it was time to start.
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